9. Humor & Humilty
Respect. Show her through your actions that you respect her opinion, career, interest, friends, body and mind. You don’t have to agree with all that she says or does, but try to honor her opinion as valuable contribution. Follow the golden rule and treat her as you would like to be treated: Be honest, fair, kind, and considerate.
Sex. Yes, women love sex. But, remember that there are four bases to cover in the bedroom, not just one. Try stopping at each base instead of being so focused on the home runâ€”believe me, she’ll thank you for it! Likewise, remember small physical touches like massages. One can never, ever, have too many shoulder rubs. And scratching her head is pretty great, too.
Romance. It’s another night on the couch with take-out and TiVo? Just because you guys are staying in doesn’t mean the evening can’t be romantic. Light a few candles and see where the night leads. Treat her like your girlfriend, even after she becomes your wife. Date nights, making out in the car, kissing like when you first started datingâ€”all of the things that made her fall in love with you don’t have to stop just because now there are bills to pay, a house to be cleaned, and kids that need to get bathed. Bring home flowers for no reason. I’m not talking $100 bouquets of roses here. Even the $10 bouquets from the supermarket are enough to make her smile.
Time. I understand relationships can’t be all wine and roses; simply making the time to be with her and treating her like your top priority says “love” more than all the fancy gifts and lovely letters ever could. This includes helping around the house. The realities of a 21st-century relationship are that both partners probably work. If you happen to get home before she does, why not take vacuum the living room or throw in a load of laundry? If you take the garbage out without being asked, chances are you’ll be getting a big ole smooch when you come back.
Dinner. Of the homemade variety. You may not be good at cooking and you may not know how to boil water. But greeting her at the door after a long day with fish sticks (or whatever you can wrastle up) makes her swoon, because it shows that you’ve been thinking about her and her hectic day.
Communication. Women are vocal creatures. She knows you love her, but it’s nice to hear you say it, too. She can also be insecure. I wish they weren’t, but the reality is that women often notice their wobbly thighs and forget about their gorgeous eyes. So let her know when you think she’s hot. Tell her she’s beautiful. It helps make her feel good. Plus, when she feels sexy she’s more likely to act sexy. Words of appreciation aren’t half-bad either. Tell her you love the lasagna she made. Thank her for driving the kids to school. Notice that she cleaned the bathtub. It doesn’t have to be over the top, just let her know that you see the effort she put in, and you’re grateful.
Consistency. This doesn’t mean be boring and predictable. It means that she knows you will (usually, no one is perfect!) give her the love and support she needs. Knowing that you’re coming at this with the same desires and energy as we are goes a long way to making her feel secure.
Engagement. Of the mental kind, not the “I’m getting married in the morning” kind. You don’t have to like everything she likes, but showing interest in her passions, be it career-related, a sport or a hobby, goes a long way. Listen when she talks to you. We’re not speaking just so she can hear her own voice; she wants to connect with you and this is one valuable way she does this. This also means paying attention to the little things.
Humor and Humility. These two tend to go hand in hand. This doesn’t mean that you have to crack jokes or entertain her, but just being able to laugh at yourself is enough. Guys who take themselves too seriously bring everyone down.
Challenge. Not the kind that makes a relationship constant work, but the good kind that surprises and motivates her to do, be or achieve what she desires. Studies show that partners who encourage each other to meet goalsâ€”in other words, don’t support lazy or bad habitsâ€”are ultimately happier than those who don’t hold each other accountable.