Strip clubs must pay a few extra dollars on their lap dances, a New York court ruled. A state appeals court rejected the notion that lap dances are a kind of performance art — and must be taxed accordingly. Hit the jump to read the rest of the story.
Strip clubs must pay a few extra dollars on their lap dances, a New York court ruled. A state appeals court rejected the notion that lap dances are a kind of performance art — and must be taxed accordingly. Nite Moves, an upstate strip club, issued an appeal to the 1965 law that requires club owners to tax private dances, bringing in experts to testify that their establishments provide “dramatic or musical arts performances.†The court argued that strippers require no formal training and do not compare to tax-exempt performers of ballet. An 8.875 percent tax would cost clubs about $2 on a $20 dance, and some owners are saying they will have to raise prices to accommodate the law.
Preach, Nite Moves! Preach! I’m no historian but I’m pretty sure this country was founded on principles relating to unfair taxation. And not since the East India Company taxed the fuck out of tea have I seen a more unjust duty than this Lap Dance tariff. You know what Thomas Jefferson would have to say about this shit? He’d say “how the fuck am I supposed to take home this black stripper if I’m getting taxed on every dance?†And then he’d come up with some revolutionary slogan like “If You Tax That Ass, I Can’t Wax That Ass.†Because more taxes on a lap dance = less tip for each stripper which = less fun for everyone. We should stage a protest to resist this movement like the Boston Tea Party. Except instead of boarding a boat and destroying a big shipment of tea bags, I was thinking about just throwing a bomb ass party at Flashdancers and having strippers grind their butts on my while the DJ exclusively plays patriotic American songs. I’ll be in the champagne room wearing mesh shorts with no underwear with Whitney belting out the Star Spangled Banner hoping for a quick handjob from some Eastern European bitch. Bombs bursting, indeed.
Props to Nite Moves for resisting this tyranny. And a valid fucking point if you ask me. I mean there are some strippers that I’d put on the same level as Michalengelo and Salvador Dali. One time I was at Flashdancers and there was this black stripper who went by the name of Jamaica. The DJ jumps on the mic and he’s like “Everyone get ready for the Jamaica show!†She completely clears the stage and puts a full Corona bottle on the ground in the middle. She does this sexy seductive crawl over to it, deepthroats the bottle, flips over on to her back, tips her head all the way back, and chugs the whole beer, hands free. If thats not fucking art my friends, I don’t know what is. The Jamaica Show was like the Sistine Chapel of stripper tricks. And the shame of it all is that next time she chugs a beer bottle with her legs spread open and her butt shaking, she’ll get 2 less dollars than she deserves. Tyranny I say! Tyranny.
HA